Coronovirus Log: Day 4
By Laura Behrens
7:24 AM. On my 1st cup of coffee for the day. I feel this will be a 4 cup day…
8:15 AM. The native children are in full force this morning. Contemplating where to start the day. 4th child is currently watching yet another episode of Dude Perfect. I do not understand this show. No, I get it. Grown men doing crazy/slightly stupid sports stunts and making millions of dollars doing it.
8:20 AM. Sitting here thinking I can be stupid. Why can’t I make millions of dollars being stupid. Thanks again #dudeperfect
8:26 AM. My dream of getting paid for being stupid is interrupted ironically by stupid. What do you mean she accidentally kicked you in the face!?!?!? So, you mean you were jumping on the bed doing leg kicks and splits and you didn’t think someone would get kicked… let alone in the face.
8:45 AM. Homeschooling begins. Kim and I decided to split homeschooling “subjects” into the categories that we are good at. I got lunch, PE and Recess. Kim got everything else. Fair? YES!!! She has a masters. I sell houses. She is much better at all that brainy stuff. I like to eat and re-live the glory days of when I was skinny and could run.
9:19 AM. OMG!!!!! THE CAT SNEEZED!!!
9:39 AM. I leave the homestead for an appointment. I realize while sitting in the car, by myself that someone smelled. I look around for who to blame.
10:40 AM. Leave my appt hoping they didn’t stand too close. I was using my newly learned “social distancing” skills. Fun fact. You cannot social.distance from your kids. I tried.
11:15 AM. Back at the homestead. Walk in the door and someone has robbed us!!! And they trashed the place while doing it!!
11:16 AM. Kim assured me there was no robbery. Just our kids.
11:55 AM. The lunch counter is open!!
12:05 PM. 3rd Child decides to lick.the entire cucumber so no one else has it. I have never been more proud of my kids. Fighting over vegetables.
1:20 PM. Sitting with my 2nd and 3rd grade drop outs who have gone from their e-learning to e-playing games.
2:05 PM. Reading messages from the kids “real” teachers (you know who you are)….. Sure. I’ll get right on that craft. It looks fun, messy, and something that my kids can totally not handle. Scrolling down the messages looking at all the other over-achieving parents posting their kids reading, doing projects, actually finishing their daily tasks… You are all dead to me. I’m make sure and send random messges that the kids are still alive.
2:15 PM. Head out the door for child #3’s hair appointment. Don’t know what we would do without our hair guru. (You know who you are too). We were starting to look like Crazy Eyes over here.
3:00 PM. Back at the homestead again. The remaining native kids are busy on their 8,567 hour of screen time. Don’t judge. Pull up Facebook to see the most accurate local news. I see people asking for Netflix recommendations. Clearly these people either have no children, or children who no longer live at home. The only thing I am currently looking for recommendations for are ear plugs. Which ones keep out the high pitch screaming of an 8 year old girl?
4:10 PM. Get a call from Kim. She went to pick up Child #3 from her hair appt. She stopped at Dollar General (cause we are cheap people). We needed children’s toothpaste because apparently they still need to brush during home-schooling. Child.number 3 who knows how to work it, managed to score a soda, gum, lipstick and eye shadow. I guess when you home-school you can also wear makeup to school when your 8. She told the checkout gal “I’m just living my best life here”, and ended with a twirl. We did something right with that one.
4:25 PM. “Mom, there is something sticky on the floor over here!!!”. Get a wipe and clean it up!! “Ok”.
4:59 PM. I proceed to walk through the sticky spot that is still.sticky.
5:20 PM. Kim pulled out her drink of choice for the.night. 1st child looks at the bottle on the counter “See-grams for Extra Dry skin”
I can’t. The next two hours that is all I can think of…..
7:34 PM. Bedtime. Looking at the 4 baskets of laundry, sink full of dishes and full DVR. Netflix recommendations??? JUST FOUND MY 1ST CUP OF COFFEE FOR THE DAY, half full on the mantle. GOODNIGHT
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